Surrender: A Doorway to Freedom
A few years into my sobriety, I landed what I thought was my dream job. It checked all the boxes: purpose-driven, creative, respected, and aligned with what I thought I was supposed to be doing. I gave it everything—my time, my energy, my heart. I truly believed that job was the only space where I could thrive, and I tied a lot of my self-worth to it.
So when I was unexpectedly let go, it felt like a sucker punch to the soul. I was heartbroken, humiliated, and completely blindsided. I lost colleagues I cared about, relationships shifted, and I spiraled into a deep sadness I hadn’t felt in a long time. And to be honest, I felt betrayed and very misunderstood.
I remember thinking, This isn’t supposed to happen when you’re sober. I had done the work. I had shown up. I had given my best. I was so ashamed, I even lied to people about being let go because I was so embarrassed. I said I had decided to leave on my own - it was horrible. I remember the night I got fired i was in my now husbands car and we had only been dating a few months and I leaned over into his chest and sobbed the ugliest sobs.
So I gave myself a boundary. Two weeks. Two weeks to grieve, cry, scream, feel sorry for myself, and let the heartbreak move through me. I took a trip to visit my family. I let them love me. I let myself fall apart a little. And then—I got quiet.
And in that quiet space… I surrendered. There is actually something pretty freeing and pretty relieving about everything you think you know just kind of crumbling down.
I let go of the belief that this job was the only path. I let go of the fear that I’d never find something better. I stopped trying to force outcomes or rush into the next “fix.” And instead, I reached out to people I trusted. I asked for help. I told the truth.
Within two weeks of surrendering, something miraculous happened: I was offered a new position. Not just another job—but a better one. One that paid me literally double what I had been making before. One that required half the hours. One that aligned with my actual gifts and allowed me more time with my family, my clients, and my life.
It was the definition of “beyond my wildest dreams.”
And I realized—I had been clinging so tightly to something small, afraid there was nothing else out there for me. But the truth is, sometimes we’re let go not because we’ve failed—but because life is clearing space for something far more aligned.
Surrender isn’t weakness. It’s the opposite.
It’s trusting that you are held—even when it feels like everything is falling apart. It’s choosing to believe that your worth is not tied to a title, paycheck, or position.
Two weeks before I got fired I was so overwhelmed with work I couldn’t even pick out outfits for the day, I would just stare at my dresser paralyzed with anxiety. I got on my knees and prayed to either get me out of the job or give me the strength to adapt to the stress. Well…the universe has a sense of humor.
Letting go and surrendering is so incredibly painful and hard and that is why you cannot do it alone, I had to have the support of my loved ones and my faith. Surrender isn’t an action, its an allowing.
